Critique for a B2B piece

Forums Other Stuff Copy Reviews Critique for a B2B piece

Viewing 3 posts - 1 through 3 (of 3 total)
  • Author
  • #3312
    • Topics - 2
    • Replies - 6
    • Newbie

    This copy is for one of my upcoming copywriting gigs. Would love some critique, and suggestions 🙂


    Growing a business isn’t easy.
    It is hard work, getting a business idea from the early stages to get it to a point where it is profitable. It takes a lot of blood, sweat and tears to get to that point.
    But what comes next is where it really defines how far a business can go.
    Getting a business to the next level is where a business’s true potential is unlocked.
    Most business owners and entrepreneurs know a huge amount about the products or services they offer.
    They are experts at what they do.
    But growing a business is not part of their skillset.
    And that’s ok.
    Because that’s where we can help.
    At PeakMx we live and breathe business and entrepreneurship, and taking businesses to the next level.
    We are all about unlocking a business’s real potential.
    Collectively, our team has over ? year’s of experience running, growing, and transforming businesses. We know what it takes to really unlock a business’s potential and take it to the next level.
    What does it take to grow a business
    Now you might think that growing your business will be as simple as reading a book or article about the latest business growth idea. You might believe that is all it takes to create a growth strategy for your business.
    Unfortunately, it is hardly ever that simple.
    If it was that simple, we would have a lot more thriving businesses around us.
    If it was that simple, about 20% of all new businesses would not fail within their first year.
    If it really was as simple as reading about a strategy and applying it, then nearly 50% of small businesses would not fail in their fifth year.
    (Statistics source: Bureau of Labor Statistics)
    Growing a business is hardly ever that simple. Because growth is about implementing strategies that really align with your business, factoring in its unique characteristics and situation.
    The strategy needs to factor in your business’s specific strengths, and weaknesses.
    This is exactly why just because something worked for Google or Apple, for example, does not mean it will work for every business. Not every business is Google. Your business does not have the characteristics that Google has, and vice versa.
    Your business is unique
    Just like no one finger on our hands are exactly the same, every business is unique in its own way. Even if it is in the same industry, and if it seems like they are doing exactly the same thing.
    The differences aren’t a bad thing though. In fact, quite the opposite. The differences are what stand a business out. They are what, in marketing parlance, are called USPs.
    Those differences form the basis of what Seth Godin recommends businesses should strive to be – Purple Cows.
    Homogeneity is not the goal in business, and it never should be. What makes your business makes your business stand out, and makes it strong.
    Those unique characteristics get your end-users and customers and clients distinguish you from another business very much like yours.
    These traits are exactly why Pepsi and Coke will never be the same, and why McDonald’s and Burger King both exist.
    These businesses offer very similar products – on the face of it, there might be very little to differentiate what they sell.
    But, they are not the same.
    This is why some people like Coke, while others like Pepsi, and some like McD while others are die-hard fans of Burger King.
    The dissimilarities, the unique characteristics that each business has, makes them strong. They set them apart from all the other similar businesses out there.
    Your business has its unique characteristics too. And they are some of your business’s best features.
    Those unique characteristics are also why cookie-cutter, one-size-fit-all business growth strategies and tactics don’t usually work. Because they don’t take into account your business’s unique features.
    They do not take on board how your business works, what your business’s strengths and weaknesses are, or all the other things that make your business unique.
    How we are different
    We work differently from most of the other business consultancy’s out there. When we work with a business one-to-one, we do not just try out whatever growth strategy or tactic that is hot right now. We do our homework first, to understand your business, it’s strengths and weaknesses, and its unique features.
    Then we work towards developing strategies that your business has the best chance to benefit from.
    It’s like solving a puzzle. In the same way that you can never fit a square piece into a round space, not every growth strategy is a good fit for every business. This is why we have an arsenal of strategies, and subject matter experts, in our tool kit. That’s what enables us to find and implement the strategies and tactics that will have the best chance to work for your business.
    That is how we can help get your business to the next level.
    This is one of our unique characteristics. This is one of the things that makes PeakMx a purple cow.
    If you want to take your business to the next level, please don’t just try to plug in whatever marketing or growth strategy that might happen to be trending right now. Just because TikTok is trending right now, for instance, does not mean it will be a good fit for your business.
    You need to understand your business’s own unique characteristics before you adopt a path to growing your business and taking it to the next level.
    Next steps
    Now, if you would like our help to do that, we would love to hear from you. However, we are quite selective about who we work with. When we personally/directly work with a business, we strive to give them our 100%, because nothing short of that is acceptable for us. We want you to stand the best chance of growth, and we want to be able to focus enough time and energy to be able to help you make that happen. That makes it important for us to be selective about who we work with.
    We cannot, unfortunately, work with everyone who applies. We want to work with businesses where we can add massive value, especially businesses that have a genuine passion for making a positive difference. So if you are interested in working with us, there is an application process that helps us gauge whether or not we will be good fits. This is not just for our sake, but for yours too. At the end of the day, we value your time as much as we value ours. Running a business takes work, energy and effort. And if we are not the best fits, we would hate to give you false hope.
    The last thing we want to do is take on a business as a partner where we cannot make any difference.
    We are in the business of transformation and results – and we are eager to work with businesses where we can really help make that happen.
    We believe in honesty and integrity. Those aren’t just buzz words for us. So we want to be transparent about our prices before we start. We are not cheap. We are not as expensive as some of the other growth consultancies out there, but we are not the cheapest either. The work we do is all about having a serious, sizeable, positive impact on your business. We are absolutely and completely driven to helping our partners get to the next level. That sort of work takes a lot of commitment, skill, energy, effort, knowledge, expertise, dedication, and time. Our prices reflect that. Just to give you an idea, our base packages start from £5,000.
    Still with us?
    Great, then we are on the same page, and we would love to hear from you.
    Let’s talk:
    • If you believe your business has potential
    • If you have a strong focus on genuinely adding value and helping your end users/clients/customers
    • If you are absolutely serious about getting your business to the next level.
    Get in touch using the application form below to arrange a free strategy session. We are excited about exploring your business’s possibilities.
    Apply to work with us.


    • Topics - 73
    • Replies - 99
    • Wordsmith
    • ★★★

    Hey Mike,

    Welcome to the forum.

    Overall I’d say the copy looks OK (I’m guessing the real salespage will be formatted better, for easier reading?  With more whitespace between paragraphs and subheads?)


    I only have a couple of suggestions that could make it a bit more powerful for you…


    1. I’d recommend adding, and expanding on, a few more pain points or frustrations that business owners face with survival and growth (the competition, the marketplace, or just daily obstacles to growing a business).

    Probably near the beginning, under the subhead What does it take to grow a business would be the best place for them.

    You already talk about the failure rate of small businesses (with the Bureau of Labor Statistics as your proof) and that’s good.

    But for just a moment we want to expand on the fear of uncertainty, and make it BIGGER and more REAL in your target readers mind. This helps your reader, and you, in 2 ways…

    A. It gives people a powerful emotional enemy they can be motivated to move away from (fear)

    B. It also shows them you understand their fears and frustrations. So they’ll be more likely to listen to you as an expert, and your solutions.


    2. The second thing I strongly recommend is adding more PROOF elements to show that YOU (PeakMx) know what you’re doing. Not just that you know statistics, or can use rhetoric about the business world and the marketplace. But proof that you’ve helped other businesses grow and succeed.


    Under the heading Expertise you say… “Collectively, our team has over ? year’s of experience running, growing, and transforming businesses. We know what it takes to really unlock a business’s potential and take it to the next level.”

    And that’s all fine and dandy. But the first question I have as a business owner is…

    “Who says so besides you?”

    This would be a good time to show some proof elements.

    At the very least a testimonial or two. Testimonials are a weak form of proof these days because everybody knows they can be faked, or bought for a price. But it’s still better than nothing.

    Or showing some recognizable brands that you’ve worked with in the past can put people’s mind at ease, and shows that you know what you’re doing, and that your reader is not the first person to ever trust you.

    Better proof would be a couple of excerpts from case studies of past successes (maybe a link to the full case studies).


    Proof is ultimately important. Especially when you’re starting at a $5,000 price point for your services (sorry, my keyboard doesn’t have a Pound or Euro key so I had to use the $ sign)

    For a $30 purchase – most people only need a vague description of exciting benefits.

    But for a $5,000+ purchase – most people want more PROOF that you know what you’re doing.


    I do like the “takeaway” element at the end of the copy, showing that you don’t accept everybody as a client. When we get people to sell us on why we should help them, the sale is practically made and our closing rates go way up.

    (Personally, I would work on tightening that last part up a bit. Right now it seems a tad long winded and a bit too apologetic in a couple places)


    Overall I’d say the copy looks like a good start. And with a few tweaks and edits, it’s close to being worthy of testing on a live site.

    Best of luck to you, Mike. And I’d love to know what the response rates look like after it goes live.

    All the best,


    P.S. I’d also test a different call to action. “Apply to work with us” is a bit painful to read.

    “Apply to work with us” indicates that I’m at the mercy of your acceptance, and it sounds like I’m applying for a job.

    I would test a call to action that says something more like…

    “Let’s get started” or “Let’s get started growing your business”. Basically anything that sounds less like applying for a job, and more like forward momentum for my business.

    A good marketer knows how to think like a marketer - A great marketer learns how to think like the customer...
    SARubin - Direct Response Copywriter / Conversion Rate Optimizer

    • Topics - 2
    • Replies - 6
    • Newbie

    Thanks for those suggestions Rubin. They’ve certainly given me things to think about.

Viewing 3 posts - 1 through 3 (of 3 total)
  • You must be logged in to reply to this topic.

Forums Other Stuff Copy Reviews Critique for a B2B piece

Skip to toolbar