Hello everyone! Kumar Suraj here…

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  • #3526
    Kumar Suraj
    • Topics - 1
    • Replies - 7
    • Newbie

    Hey peeps!

    I am just starting out as a copywriter, and need help to become a professional one. And when I say I am starting out, I mean I have not yet produced even a single copy. It is a field that I desire to master, but it cannot be done without a good mentors. I am a decent enough writer, and I used to have a blog dedicated to self-improvement, but I just never have done any copywriting.

    I have joined the forum so you all can look at the copies that I would write for practice, and give me important pointers- where I lack, and the ways I can improve my copies.

    I want to understand the ins and outs of a good copy so I too can become a self-sufficient person.

    I believe that is exactly the aim of the forum- where seasoned copywriters transform rookies into pros.

    I have the John Carlton’s Kickass Copywriting course and have gone through it. Now I need to practice.

    Give me an assignment to write a copy, and then analyse it to help me make it more captivating.

    Cheers!

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    #3527
    SARubin
    • Topics - 71
    • Replies - 95
    • Wordsmith
    • ★★★

    Hi Kumar Suraj,

    Welcome to the show…

    I think it’s great that you want to learn copywriting. It’s one of those skills that can be useful in many different areas of life (online and offline)

    I see from your post that you already have a good grasp of written English. That’s a good start 🙂

    Let me start by asking…

    Do you have any sales experience?

    I ask because at its core, copywriting is about selling ideas to improve people’s lives. The written word is just the medium for our message.

    So if you have any sales experience, it can help shorten the learning curve. If you don’t have any outside sales experience you can still become good at copywriting, it’s just a slightly bigger learning curve.

    Also keep in mind, there is no quick secret path to instant copywriting success in this world. Like anything else worth learning it takes time, effort, and practice to become better than average. (the only people who say there’s a quick secret path to instant success, are the people trying to sell YOU their secret system for instant success).

    So if you’re willing to put in the effort, I’m willing to help you along the way.

     

    Also, What’s your intention for learning to write copy at this time?

    Is it to sell products to consumers?
    Or is it so you can offer your writing services to other businesses, to sell their stuff?

    It can eventually be both, but let’s start with one…

     

    A good marketer knows how to think like a marketer - A great marketer learns how to think like the customer...
    SARubin - Direct Response Copywriter / Conversion Rate Optimizer

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    #3529
    Franklin
    • Topics - 4
    • Replies - 39
    • Member
    • ★★

    I have joined the forum so you all can look at the copies that I would write for practice, and give me important pointers- where I lack, and the ways I can improve my copies. I want to understand the ins and outs of a good copy so I too can become a self-sufficient person. 

    You ask for help and feedback, but days later you still haven’t come back here to follow up?

    Give me an assignment to write a copy, and then analyse it to help me make it more captivating. Cheers!

    Here’s an assignment for you ->->->

    Sell me a Banana

    One good idea, acted upon, is worth more than 100 ideas that never see the light of day

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    #3530
    SARubin
    • Topics - 71
    • Replies - 95
    • Wordsmith
    • ★★★

    You ask for help and feedback, but days later you still haven’t come back here to follow up?

    Hey Franklin, good to see you…

    Yeah, I guess maybe I scared him away when I said I’m willing to help, but only if he’s willing to put in some effort on his part?

    You know I’m always willing to help someone who has a sincere desire to learn, but I don’t have a ton of patience for tire kickers and time wasters.

    A lot people say they want to succeed, when all they really want is easy answers to fast-track success. And if someone is just looking for easy answers, I have no doubt they’ll find plenty of people happy to sell them a pile of shit, with the promise of Gold.

    So I guess the real question is…

    What is it they’re looking for…?
    Bright Shiny Objects? Or genuine answers they can take to the bank?

     

    Here’s an assignment for you ->->-> Sell me a Banana

    Well, I do have some of the best bananas you’ve ever tasted.

    Long, soft, firm shafts of golden yellow, with a sweet inner fruit that melts in your mouth. Once you’ve tried a single taste of my bananas, you’ll never be satisfied with any other.

    Kings, Queens, and millionaires from around the world could find themselves waiting in line every year when my harvest comes in.

    But because they’re in limited supply, I can only offer them to select people.

    So tell me Franklin, why do you want a bunch of my highly prized bananas?

     

    A good marketer knows how to think like a marketer - A great marketer learns how to think like the customer...
    SARubin - Direct Response Copywriter / Conversion Rate Optimizer

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    #3531
    Franklin
    • Topics - 4
    • Replies - 39
    • Member
    • ★★

    Yeah, I guess maybe I scared him away when I said I’m willing to help, but only if he’s willing to put in some effort on his part?

    You know I’m always willing to help someone who has a sincere desire to learn, but I don’t have a ton of patience for tire kickers and time wasters. 

    I know.

    IDK – maybe some emergency came up and he’ll be back after he figures it out.

    Well, I do have some of the best bananas you’ve ever tasted.

    Long, soft, firm shafts of golden yellow, with a sweet inner fruit that melts in your mouth. Once you’ve tried a single taste of my bananas, you’ll never be satisfied with any other.

    Are we talking about the same kind of Banana? :mrgreen:

    One good idea, acted upon, is worth more than 100 ideas that never see the light of day

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    #3534
    SARubin
    • Topics - 71
    • Replies - 95
    • Wordsmith
    • ★★★

    IDK – maybe some emergency came up and he’ll be back after he figures it out.

    The door is open, for now.

     

    Are we talking about the same kind of Banana? :mrgreen:

    What other kind is there? 😎

    A good marketer knows how to think like a marketer - A great marketer learns how to think like the customer...
    SARubin - Direct Response Copywriter / Conversion Rate Optimizer

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    #3535
    Kumar Suraj
    • Topics - 1
    • Replies - 7
    • Newbie

    Apologies for being late. Yes, I was caught up in some serious work ( the government is resuming the lockdown in the state), so had to make arrangements for the long term this time. Corona is here to stay for a while, which means we better be prepared. WHO is also pessimistic about the future, says it will get worse and worse.

    Franklin, thank you so much for the assignment. I saw it and immediately began working on it. Keep in mind, I am still unclear about the whole format of the copy, but I have done what I saw implemented in other sales letter.

    Here is my sales copy to convince you to buy my banana. Go batshit crazy, call me names, and ridicule me. Just tell me where I could improve. That is what I am after.

    Here it goes, fellas:

     

    Attention! Fruit lovers.

    A 63-year-old farmer from Lucknow discovers the ‘primitive way’ of growing bananas, combined with organic farming to produce a variety that is as soft as cotton candy, juicier than fruit gushers, and fragrance that would swoon the taste buds of even the master connoisseurs of the fruit.
    If you think you have tasted the best banana of your life, then I bet this letter will sweep the rug out of your feet.

    The bananas I am talking about here, are no usual bunch that you buy at the local supermarkets. These are the fruits that are quickly becoming the obsession of their consumers and attracting buyers from around the world.

    You might be thinking to yourself that I am exaggerating things up a bit. After all, they are just that- bunch of bananas.

    But first, answer me honestly- have you ever had bananas whose:

    • Colour is scintillating bright yellow- from which you could not help but keep staring at because it is so aesthetically appealing.
    • Has the shape of golden ratio- it feels as if it were meticulously crafted by an accomplished artist such as Michelangelo and brought to life by a biologist. Every fruit of the bunch has the same dimensions to T. No small or large or twisted shaped bananas. The ones I am talking about look like they are mechanically engineered by artificial intelligence to be an archetype of perfection.
    • Have the smell so strong that it immediately fills the room with its fragrance, much like a room freshener where the sweet fragrance takes over any smell that might be occupying your home. The fragrance is guaranteed to make your room smell like it is right in the middle of a banana farm with banana shrubs growing and blooming all around your house, and the rays of sunlight looking through their leaves and brightening up your room and mood alike.

    I bet not. Most of us just have a vague memory of having such bananas at one point of our lives- when we were children and used to pick it ourselves and consume them fresh.

    Manoj, a farmer from Lucknow, India, felt the same and decided to go 180 degrees from the usual practice of growing banana for profit, to making it first and foremost for the pleasure of its consumers.

    He shunned the chemical fertilisers, machineries, and pesticide, rampant in the cultivation of today’s bananas, and decided to go completely organic.

    The result?

    The fresh farm organic bananas are outselling their competition so much that the vendors are REFUSING to buy fruits from any other farm but from Manoj.

    The reason? They could charge obscenely high prices for these bananas and customers are willing to spend every last dime, happily, and then some more to relish the savoury fruit. It is like a crack hit to them- they keep wanting more of it, and they give whatever the prices the vendors ask them.

    And with each bite of the fruit, the addiction keeps on building. They simply cannot get enough of it.

    Competitions are willing to spend thousands of dollars for the farmers to reveal their trade secret to them. But the growers have made up their minds to guard their farms like Area 51.

    And it is justified.

    The truth is we are so accustomed to having the chemically altered, genetically modified bananas, that we have forgotten the real taste of these divine fruit. I would go even as far as saying that most of you never had PURE banana- that is untouched by any chemical.

    The farmers get furious even if you mention the use of chemicals in the farm. They use only the manure prepared by the fresh dung of the farm-bred cows. They look after the banana plants like they take care of their own kids.

    The word of mouth got so strong that the local biologists had to call agronomists and horticulturists from the university of California to look into the methods of producing the fruit.

    Imagine the level of surprise on their faces when they found out that bananas from Lucknow farm had upto 33 percent more Vitamin B6, and B12 which are essential for a strong immune system and long thick locks of hair.

    Look, I know you are sceptical of the promises I am making here. And I don’t blame you. I too had my doubts before I had a taste of these bunches.

    It is your turn to have a taste and experience the unaltered organic bananas that are grown to pleasure the heck out of its consumer. I can guarantee that even one bite of the fruit would make you fall in love with it that you would never even think about buying bananas from anywhere else.

    Just click on the bright yellow icon to order your bunch of the fruit and have a try.

    I am so sure that you would simply go bananas over the bunch that I am willing to make an unconventional offer to you- my

    Double Money Back Guarantee

    Yes, you read that right.

    If for any reason you don’t like the fruit (which is next to impossible), simply drop a message to me and I will transfer the double of your spent money on the basket to your account immediately. No questions asked!

    And if you order right now, you would get a special code which you could use to avail a 20 percent discount on your next basket purchase.

    I call this ‘you got nothing to lose’ purchase.

    Just click on the “Give me a basket” button to have your share of the relish we have to offer. You don’t want to miss the sweetest deal of your life.

     

     

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    #3536
    Franklin
    • Topics - 4
    • Replies - 39
    • Member
    • ★★

    Hello Kumar Suraj and welcome to the forum 🙂

    In your original post you said you’ve never written even a single piece of copy? Yet this does not look like it came from someone who never wrote copy before. Good job!

    It almost made me want to buy the Bananas. Did you use a template when you wrote this?

     

    One thing I suggest is to pay attention to your grammar a bit more. It’s not too bad, but a few parts were choppy.

    Where you wrote

    “If you think you have tasted the best banana of your life, then I bet this letter will sweep the rug out of your feet.”

    The expression is supposed to be
    “sweep the rug out from under your feet.”

    It’s not a huge difference, but the second one makes more sense for most people who have heard the expression before.

     

    And then a couple of lines later you wrote
    “You might be thinking to yourself that I am exaggerating things up a bit. After all, they are just that- bunch of bananas.

    The word “Exaggerating” already implies making things seem bigger than they are, so the word “up” feels redundant in this case.

    It will be smoother to drop the word “up” and just make it

    “You might be thinking to yourself that I am exaggerating things a bit. After all, they are just that- a bunch of bananas.”

    This way it still means the same thing, but without the speed bump.

    To make it even tighter you can shorten it even more without losing any power…

    “You might be thinking to yourself that I am exaggerating. After all, they are just that- a bunch of bananas.”

    The idea is to edit out any words that don’t advance the sale. Sometimes we need to over-emphasize a point with adjectives and adverbs, but most of the time brevity and clarity are better than using extra, unnecessary, words.

     

    There’s a few more edits you can also make in the rest of the copy, but overall I think it looks like a very good first draft.

    One good idea, acted upon, is worth more than 100 ideas that never see the light of day

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    #3537
    SARubin
    • Topics - 71
    • Replies - 95
    • Wordsmith
    • ★★★

    Hey Kumar Suraj,

    Welcome back…

    Sorry if my previous post sounded a bit snarky. It’s just that I get so many people asking me for help, but then they disappear as soon as they find out it takes effort to become good at anything in the real world.

    I’m glad to see that you are not like that 🙂

    Yes, we are certainly living in some interesting times right now, with whole Covid-19 thing. I get the feeling this might be the new normal, at least for the foreseeable future?

     

    Anyway, on to your copy…

    I agree with Franklin that this doesn’t look like copy written by someones who’s never written a single piece of copy before.

    So either you have a natural ability, that just needs developing… or you swiped a sales page, and adapted it to sell a banana?

    Either way, it’s a start.

     

    Overall I’d say the format looks good.

    Franklin already stole my thunder with his advice about editing for grammar and clarity. He said most of what I was going to say (It’s almost like we’ve worked together before, eh Franklin? 😉 )

     

    One other thing that sticks out right away, Kumar Suraj, is that we could use a “scarcity” element in the copy.

    In direct response, ideally we want people to buy from us NOW, rather than later. Because if people think they can come back later, and then they leave our sales page, many times they forget all about us (the clutter of daily life happens, and soon they forget all about your bananas)

    If you can get them to sign up for a mailing list, then some of those sales might be salvaged. But when people leave your page, 90% of those sales could be lost forever.

    So a good scarcity element triggers the “fear of missing out” emotion, and gently persuades more people to buy now.

     

    In this particular instance, the best scarcity element would probably be “limited quantity”.

    I’d put a subtle mention of it near the part where you talk about natural -vs- chemical farming (just to plant the seed in the readers mind)

    “Because our bananas are never grown with chemical fertilizers, and are always sustainably harvested, the number of bananas available each year is strictly limited.”

    And then recreate the scarcity element just before the closing, or as a wrap-up in the P.S. (placement would be something for testing)

     

    Anyway Kumar Suraj, as a first attempt that copy you posted wasn’t too bad.

    Now, if you’re up for it, I’m going to offer you another assignment…

     

    Seeing as how you still haven’t answered my original questions (from my first reply in this thread) I have no idea if you’re looking to sell your own products? Or if you want to offer copywriting services to other businesses?

    Having a “reason why” we’re doing something always improves our motivation to continue, as well as improves the responses we get from those willing to help us.

     

    So for starters I’m going to suggest something that has worked for a couple of my students. It may (or may not) work for you, because all I’m basing this on is the limited info from what you’ve been posting. But I still believe it’s worth a try…

     

    What I’d like you to do is imagine that you are already an established copywriter, and I’m your potential new client.

    I’m starting a business writing email copy for other small business owners, but I don’t write sales pages.

    I’ve just hired you to write my sales page for me. It needs to be a compelling sales page that gets my audience to take action and contact me about my email copywriting services.

    Now, create me a persuasive sales page.

    My criteria is, I just want my new page to be crisp, clear, and on target. I don’t want it to be full of jargon, hype, or rhetoric. I don’t want you to over think it. And I don’t want you to stray away from the ONE purpose of the page (the big idea is to get small business owners to contact me for my email marketing services)

    I just want my sales page to have a headline that gets the attention of my target audience… Some benefit driven copy that gets them interested, and builds desire for what I can do for them… And gets them to take the action of contacting me.

    Nothing else. Remember, this is a B2B sales pitch. So nothing fancy, no long drawn out stories or explanations… Just keep it simple and on point.

     

    And yes, this is just simple copy based on the most basic AIDA formula.

    When you’re done writing my sales page, we can take a look at it. And if it looks OK, then we’ll take it from there. (and if you have any concerns that I’m just trying to get you to write my copy for me, for free… I assure you, this exercise is for your benefit… not mine)

    As far as deadlines, you have 3 days to finish it. (so Friday, East Coast USA time)

    Looking forward to seeing what you come up with …

    All the best,
    SAR

    A good marketer knows how to think like a marketer - A great marketer learns how to think like the customer...
    SARubin - Direct Response Copywriter / Conversion Rate Optimizer

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    #3538
    Kumar Suraj
    • Topics - 1
    • Replies - 7
    • Newbie

    Thank you so much for the encouraging words. Yep, this is my first copy, and no, I did not swipe any copy and modified it. I like my content fresh- just as I like my bananas.

    @Franklin- Oh my god! Thank you so much for pointing out the grammar errors, especially the ‘exaggeration-up’ one. I would have never figured it out on my own. Now, when I look at it, ‘up’ is obviously a tautology. I am always cautious about the grammar in my writings because nothing screams ‘amateur’ more than grammar errors in a piece of writing. I cannot thank you enough.

    It is not always that bad though. The copy above was my first draft so it was a little rough around the edges. My next copy would be better. I promise.

     


    @SARubin
    You are right. I missed the scarcity part. My bad. Won’t happen again.

    Replying to your first question- I want to be a copywriter to help other businesses sell their products.

    I am excited for my next assignment.

    And I am not at all concerned about why you are making me write certain assignments. You can write a better copy in an hour than I what I will produce in two days (for now 😀 ). And if my copy helps you in any way, all the better. I would feel as though I am giving back too, instead of just taking and taking from this forum. I am here to learn. And I ask no questions when I am being taught, unless of course its a doubt that is hindering my knowledge.

    Back to work…

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    #3539
    Kumar Suraj
    • Topics - 1
    • Replies - 7
    • Newbie

    Here is the assignment given to me by Rubin. Check it out and let me know how it is:

     

    Are your (lack of) emails pushing away your clients?
    An average person opens only 22 mails out of every 100 mails sent to him. Are you sure yours are not ending in the spam box?

    The most ‘unsexy’ form of marketing increases your clientele by 50 percent, surges your revenue up to 70 percent, and slashes your advertising expenses by half.

    If you think email marketing is dead, or ineffective then you should read every word of this letter.

    Because you are not the only one who believes that email marketing is a tool of the bygone era. And I will show you why you and everyone else who thinks the same is dead wrong.

    But before we move on, here are some facts I want you to consider-

    • There are 5.59 billion active email accounts operating right now, (that is half the population of the world.)

     

    • 93 percent of the B2B marketers use just email to distribute their content.

     

     

    • 81 percent of small and medium businesses still rely on email as their primary customer acquisition channel

    (All the facts can be verified from Statista, world’s most trusted site for digital statistical data.)

    The point is, the number of emails have grown more in the past five years than ever in the history of the internet, and is expected to spike even further in the coming years.

    Not using email as a marketing tool is the biggest mistake you can commit in your business in 2020.

    Email marketing, unlike the social media marketing might not sound pleasing on paper, but it is the single most powerful way of forging a long- term relationship with your existing customers.

    Simply having a website, and running social media marketing campaigns don’t cut it anymore.

    The website and advertisements pull new clients to your business, but it’s the emails and the newsletters that make them stick to your business.

    Think about it- your customers are constantly bombarded with tons of advertising from different businesses. Is there any guarantee that your customers would not abandon you?

    No.

    Mind you, that your competition would go to lengths to make sure that THEY are the ones who your customer thinks of when he needs the job done.

    But if you have a strong relationship with your customers, no form of advertising would convince them to leave you for another business. No spell or seduction would sway them away from you.

    They trust the services provided by your business, and they trust you.

    They are also well aware that if they face any problem with your product, you are just an email away.

    That kind of individual attention can only be provided through emails, and not mass advertisements.

    Email marketing is the ‘grand-daddy’ of digital marketing, especially for the small and middle sized businesses who don’t have a lot of cash to blow on expensive marketing campaigns.

    Here’s how emails prove to be invaluable to both you, and your customers:

    • It helps to inform them about the latest product or services your company is offering. These are the customers who already are familiar with your product. Chances are, if they are in your mailing list, they already like you to some extent and would not need much convincing to buy more from you.

     

    • It becomes a breeze to update them about the company, future plans, and the upcoming offers. It would be like a warm-up for them- to save money for the bargain that they would be getting in the Black Friday, or Christmas sale.

     

    • Because you are in direct contact with your clients, you can ask them about the kinds of improvements they want in your product. You can also take surveys by mailing them questionnaires asking them about the kind of products THEY are interested in. When you make a product that is the need of your customers, it would sell like hot cakes.

     

     

    • And the best part is the personalised promotional offers you would be able to give to your existing customers.

    Imagine sending one of your customers an email on his birthday, with best wishes in its subject line. The intrigued customer opens the email to find out that you have decided to give him a 50 percent discount on one of the products, only to him as a birthday present.

    How considerate of you!

    Do you think that customer would ever forget you, or leave you for another company?

    If you know anything about business, then you know that there are only two things that matter the most in the game- money and human connection.

    An authentic human connection can only be made through emails.

     

    It is an undeniable fact that emails and newsletters are crucial if your business is to sustain for the long term.

    The sad part of the story is that half of the marketers feel their email campaigns are very poor to average.

    That is because you cannot write just anything, hit send, and expect people to be receptive to it.

    DOES NOT WORK THAT WAY.

    We all have seen emails of businesses that ramble on and on about how great of a company they are, when they were established, the steps they are taking to expand their business, and oh, look at that cute little logo they came up with.

    What a horse-shit of a mail.

    Those kinds of emails are not important for the customers. There is nothing in it for them.

    *Select…hit spam*

    Or if your emails contain even more advertisements and annoying pop ups, then there is only one thing that goes on in the minds of your customers-

    This guy is trying to sell me something!

    Ding! Ding! Ding! Goes off the skepticism bell in his mind.

    What you did just created more resistance in them for your products or services. Nobody wants to feel like a sucker who was fooled by an advertisement.

    That is why your emails need to be crisp, clear and powerful. They need to be informing, educating, and persuading to the customers.

    Remember:
    Advertisements entertain. Email informs.
    When your customer opens your email, that is what he is looking at. You have his full attention (something which is impossible in social media marketing), and if your email is less than useful to him- it is going to end up in the spam folder.

    Emails that are to the point, and useful to your clients, get read.

    And writing good, persuasive emails can be a challenging task, almost impossible if you have never written one.

    That is where I can help.

    I have over 20 years of experience in writing professional engaging emails for businesses and customers alike.

    I will write emails that will shine in your clients’ inboxes, hook them in and convert them into your loyal customers forever.

    In 20 years, I have seen and experimented with ‘every trick of the trade’ there is to learn about writing powerful and convincing emails.

    I know what works, and what is bullshit.

    I also understand the words that will attract customers to your business, and am well aware of those which would repel them.

    When you have a business that puts food on the table for you and your family, you should not ‘experiment’ or ‘give a method a try’. You should rely on proven, real world tactics that would:

    • Help your customers with your products and services, and

     

    • Fills your pocket with cold hard cash.

     

    I have written emails that have transformed small ventures into proliferating businesses with a wide pool of dedicated customers.

    I have also seen the DISASTROUS impact that bad or *gasp* no email marketing has on businesses, and the financial loss that they have to suffer before they realise the importance of keeping their customers.

    You focus on your core expertise- your products and services. Let me do the heavy work of writing compelling emails.

    Remember:

    Customers on your website, or social media pages are just the numbers. They are in business with you today, but could be gone tomorrow, hiring your competition. Swoosh.

    So it is crucial that you take action right now. Because, we both know once you hit that back button on your screen, you are never going to find me again. Then you would rationalise in one way or the other that your business is doing just fine without any email marketing, while you continue to suffer the losses.

    Don’t let that happen to you. Simply CLICK HERE to contact me to discuss your email needs.

    And here is the best part:

    You don’t even need to hire me if you feel email marketing is not for you after talking to me.

    No pressure at all.

    Simply have a chat with me, or talk to me on the phone like a buddy. And then decide.

    The offer is downright a no-brainer.

    P.S. There is a truism that is thrown around a lot in the digital business world that I want to share with you. It is this –

    “If you have 2000 devoted subscribers and customers to your business, you don’t have to worry about money ever again in your life.”

    2000 is a huge number to maintain if your customers are constantly deserting you and running to the competition.

    Email marketing and newsletters are the only way I know of that is truly capable of retaining that number of customers.

    All you have to do is click on the “Contact me now” button to discuss the kind of emails that would hold on to them like a super glue.

    P.P.S If you are still on the fence about whether or not to invest in emails that would boost your business, here is a fact that would make you think:

    According to DMA 2019 statistics, every $1 spent on email marketing gets you an average return of $40.That is a massive profit on the little investment.

    And it is an investment that you would be glad you made when you would feel your pockets getting heavier. Imagine feeling of peace when you would no more be stressing over keeping your customers in business with you.

    I have presented you with the facts. The choice of action is up to you. If you are up for it, click the red button.

     

     

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    #3540
    Kumar Suraj
    • Topics - 1
    • Replies - 7
    • Newbie

    The forum changes the entire formatting of the words. My oh-so-sexy sales letter got ruined 😐

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    #3550
    SARubin
    • Topics - 71
    • Replies - 95
    • Wordsmith
    • ★★★

    The forum changes the entire formatting of the words. My oh-so-sexy sales letter got ruined 😐

     

    Thanks for the heads up about the formatting issue, Kumar Suraj.

    This is a wordpress site, and unfortunately it comes with all the bugs that are inherent in the wordpress platform (along with conflicting plugins).

    I think the issue is all fixed now? But we won’t know for sure until the next non-admin member tries to format another post.

     

    A good marketer knows how to think like a marketer - A great marketer learns how to think like the customer...
    SARubin - Direct Response Copywriter / Conversion Rate Optimizer

    0
    #3552
    SARubin
    • Topics - 71
    • Replies - 95
    • Wordsmith
    • ★★★

    Hey Kumar Suraj,

    I just spent a couple minutes looking at the copy you posted. And I might have a suggestion, or two, to help you improve your sales copy…

    I understand you’re still brand new to the copywriting game. And the fact that you never answered the very first question I asked…

    Let me start by asking…

    Do you have any sales experience?

    leads me to believe that you have minimal, if any sales experience in the real world?

    Is this a correct assumption?

     

    If it is, then I have a suggestion for you, to get you started.

    I’ll try to be as gentle as possible because you seem enthusiastic, and I don’t want to discourage you, but if I was an actual client your copy would be immediately rejected.

     

    Rather than get too far ahead of ourselves, let’s just start at the beginning…

     

    The first thing we want to focus on is what you didn’t do, at the very beginning of the assignment (before your first word ever hit the page)…

    You didn’t ask me any questions about my business. And more importantly… you didn’t ask me any questions about my target market.

     

    I gave you some minimal criteria and you ran with it. Which is all fine and dandy, except that it means you were only focusing on the words in your copy. Not the intent of the copy.

    You gave me copy that I can’t use for anything, because my target audience would never respond to it.

    This copy spends 80% of it’s real estate trying to convince business owners why they need email marketing.

    But I’m targeting serious business owners that already know email is important. They just want to know that I’m the right guy for the job.

     

    Plus your copy is full of hype and vague rhetoric, which (as per my original criteria) I really didn’t want in this particular piece.

    Simply put, the style of copy you posted looks like an OK first draft for a generic ClickBank offer. Which is fine if we’re selling MMO (Make Money Online) offers, or weight loss supplements on Clickbank.

    But the criteria I gave you was…

    My criteria is, I just want my new page to be crisp, clear, and on target. I don’t want it to be full of jargon, hype, or rhetoric. I don’t want you to over think it. And I don’t want you to stray away from the ONE purpose of the page (the big idea is to get small business owners to contact me for my email marketing services)

    I just want my sales page to have a headline that gets the attention of my target audience… Some benefit driven copy that gets them interested, and builds desire for what I can do for them… And gets them to take the action of contacting me.

    Nothing else. Remember, this is a B2B sales pitch. So nothing fancy, no long drawn out stories or explanations… Just keep it simple and on point.

     

    And your copy does none of that.

     

    So lesson #1 is…

    If you’re unsure how to proceed, the first thing you should always do is ask some good questions.

    It not only gives your client the impression that you know what you’re doing, and that you care about their business, but asking questions is also one of the best ways to get answers.

     

    At the minimum you should ask me exactly what I’m selling, and what makes me unique in the marketplace, so you can find a unique hook that helps me stand out from my competition.

    Also, who (or whom) I’m selling to is more important than all the fancy adjectives, or flowery words in the dictionary.

     

    As a copywriter, understanding the product is important. And understanding where our target audience is at in the buying cycle, is ultimately important.

    Once we know exactly what we’re selling and who we’re selling to, then we can figure out a new (creative) angle to get their attention, and connect our offer to their world.

    In fact, research can often be 2/3 of our job (maybe more). If we ask the right questions and pay attention to the answers, sometimes our copy practically writes itself.

     

    Based on the criteria I gave you, and the understanding that I’m advertising to business owners who already use email marketing (which you would have discovered if you asked) here’s a possible direction I might go with my first draft.

    Keep in mind this is only a rough draft (not polished copy) that I’m going to spend about 10 minutes on, just to show you the direction I might take for a single, testable, piece of lead generation copy.

     

    Here’s the scene…

    A business owner just clicked on my ad for “Email marketing that gets higher conversion rates than your current emails – Guaranteed results”.

     

    Ideally this dogwhistle will only attract people who already use email marketing. And who understand the value of higher conversion rates.

    After they land on my page, they’re greeted with…

     

    If you’re a business owner who wants to see better results from all of your email marketing, then this could be the most important message you read all day…

    Get Higher Response Rates and Higher Conversion Rates From YOUR Email Messages – Guaranteed – Or You Don’t Pay a Penny…

     

    In fact, I’ll do one better than that…

    If my email copy doesn’t get you

        • More engagement from your readers
        • Higher conversion rates on your offers
        • More loyalty from your email subscribers

    I’ll refund every penny you paid me -PLUS- I’ll pay you $100 out of my own pocket for wasting your time.

    Am I insane for making such an incredible offer? Maybe. (my competition sure thinks I’m crazy for making it)

    But you know what’s even more insane? Any smart business owner who doesn’t contact me right now, to at least find out what this offer is all about.

    [ Then I’d introduce myself, so my visitors can put a face to the message] (Keep the introduction short because nobody cares about me as much as they care about what I can do for them)

    [ Add some case studies for proof, and a few testimonials for social proof ]

    [ Then we add a touch of scarcity. (Like I’m only accepting 7 new clients at this time and 4 slots are already taken) ]…

    [Then our call to action. And a P.S. with either a summary of the offer, or a bonus to the offer, or another scarcity element to get people to respond quicker]

     

    By the time I’m done editing and polishing this copy, I would at least have some copy that’s worthy of testing against any control piece.

     

    OK, so there’s just one of the basic “behind the scenes thought processes” for calling out our target market, and connecting our offer with what our target market really wants.

    And what business owners want more than anything else, is results. (But shhh – it’s a secret, so don’t tell anyone 😉 )

     

    OK, this post is getting a bit long so I’m going to end it here.

    Anyway, Kumar Suraj, If you’re truly interested in becoming a copywriter. And if I haven’t scared you away with my honest (albeit less than flattering) critique.

    Let me know, and we can see about getting you started with the right foundation.

    Because inexperienced copywriters think it’s all about the words. But experienced copywriters understand it’s about salesmanship, and connecting our offer to what the market already wants (with the right words of course)…

     

     

    A good marketer knows how to think like a marketer - A great marketer learns how to think like the customer...
    SARubin - Direct Response Copywriter / Conversion Rate Optimizer

    0
    #3553
    Kumar Suraj
    • Topics - 1
    • Replies - 7
    • Newbie

    Not at all. I am not here to have my ego stroked or anything. I am here to learn which means you have to be blunt with me. And I want you to be as honest as you possibly could be.

    And yes. You are right. I misunderstood the criteria which led to write a wrong copy, and yes, as you said its useless.

    I am going to have to think this one through- “connecting our offer to what the market already wants

    And before I forget, I have zero sales experience.

    Should I re-write the copy? This time with the complete understanding of the criteria, or do you have something else for me to write about?

    0
    #3554
    SARubin
    • Topics - 71
    • Replies - 95
    • Wordsmith
    • ★★★

    Should I re-write the copy? This time with the complete understanding of the criteria, or do you have something else for me to write about?

    No, don’t re-write it just yet. We’ll circle back around to this copy at a later time.

     

    I see a lot of potential in your style, and you mentioned you want to be a copywriter to help other businesses sell their products?

    So if we want to build on that, first I think we should start with a foundation…

     

    Have you ever heard the term “Salesmanship in print”?

    It was first coined about 100+ years ago by a man named John E. Kennedy.

    And those words gave birth to what we now call Direct Response Advertising.

    Except these days it’s no longer just print, it’s also audio and video. So I guess a more accurate definition could be “Salesmanship multiplied through mass media”?

    That’s basically what we’re doing. At its core, sales copy is about selling. The written word is just the medium for our message.

     

    There are shortcuts we can take when it comes to actually writing the copy. That’s where all those formulas, templates and swipe files come into play.

    But the foundation of salesmanship needs to be here first, so we don’t stray too far off track with our message.

    Simply put, if someone says “wow, that’s a beautifully written advertisement” then we need to go back and redo it.

    Because in sales copy, we don’t want to hear how great our writing is… we want people to say “Wow, I want to buy what you’re selling”.

     

    The down side of copywriting (in my own personal experience) is that we’re not face-to-face with our potential customers. So we can’t ask them questions and adjust our sales pitch in real time based on their answers, their tone of voice, or their body language.

    Also, our reader can reject our offer at any time (throw our sales page in the garbage, or click away from our website, or delete our emails) without us ever knowing why they didn’t buy.

    That’s why we need to anticipate (as best as we can) what they’re thinking as they read our message. And  then we can address potential objections along the way.

    Research, testing, and experience in the niche is where we learn to understand the buying motivation of our customers.

    And then we write our sales copy to address their buying criteria.

     

    On the Up side our copy can be selling to 10,000 people at the same time.

    Which means even if we only get a 2% response rate, that’s still 200 sales made without us even being there. And that’s not a bad deal.

     

    So basically sales copy is about selling… testing, tweaking, measuring results and making adjustments.

     

    And with that in mind, here’s your next assignment, if you decide to accept it…

     

    Go read the book “Scientific Advertising” by Claude Hopkins (read it more than once)

    It’s an old book, so some of the language is a little dated, but the concepts in it are timeless and foundational for anyone who wants to sell through the written word.

    If you’re logged into this site you can download a free PDF of the book that I uploaded here (you’ll need to be logged into your account on this site to access the download)…

    [PDF] – Scientific Advertising by Claude Hopkins

     

    If you have any problems downloading it just let me know and I’ll email it to you.

    After you read it a couple times let me know what you learned from it. And then we can take the next step…

     

    All the best,

    SAR

     

    A good marketer knows how to think like a marketer - A great marketer learns how to think like the customer...
    SARubin - Direct Response Copywriter / Conversion Rate Optimizer

    0
    #3564
    Kumar Suraj
    • Topics - 1
    • Replies - 7
    • Newbie

    I read the book. It was a short, but contained only the essentials. There was no fluff.

    Here are the 12 points that brought AHA! moments for me:

    • Treat your copy as a salesman. He should neither speak too much or too little, but just what would be necessary to make the sale.
    • Don’t think of people in the mass. That gives you a blurred view. Think of a typical individual, man or woman, who is likely to want you to sell. Don’t try to be amusing.
    • The best ads. ask no one to buy. That is useless. Often they do not quote a price. They do not say that dealers handle the product. The ads are based entirely on service. They offer wanted information. They site advantages to users. Perhaps they offer a sample, or to buy the first package, or to send something on approval, so the customer may prove the claims without any cost or risks. Some of these ads. seem altruistic. But they are based on the knowledge of human nature.
    • You have to sell to people who are already half-sold.

    (This one completely changed how I view copywriting. It is just like what you said- those who are looking at the ad, already want it. No need to convince them. They just have to be wanting it from YOU.

    • You wish to talk to someone in a crowd. So the first thing you say is, “hey there, Bill Jones” to get the right person’s attention. So it is with an advertisement. What you have will interest certain people only, and for certain reasons. You care only for those people. Then create a headline which will hail those people only.
    • But people do not read ads for amusement. They don’t read ads which, at a glance, seem to offer nothing interesting. A double-page ad on women’s dresses will not gain a glance from a man. Nor will a shaving cream ad from a woman.
    • We learn that cheapness is not a strong appeal. Americans (people) are extravagant. They want bargains but not cheapness. They want to feel that they can afford to eat and have and wear the best. Treat them as if they could not and they resent your attitude.
    • It is found that an offer limited to a certain class of people is far more effective than a general offer. For instance, an offer limited to veterans of the war. Or to members of a lodge or sect. Or to executives. Those who are entitled to any seeming advantage will go a long way not to lose that advantage.
    • Loved this example from the book:

    Two concerns, side by side, sold women’s clothing on instalments. The appeal, of course, was to poor girls who desire to dress better. One treated them like poor girls and made the bare business offer. The other put a woman in charge – a motherly, dignified, capable woman. They did business in her name. They used her picture. She signed all ads and letters. She wrote to these girls like a friend. She knew herself what it meant to a girl not to be able to dress her best. She had long sought a chance to supply women good clothes and give them all season to pay. Now she was able to do so, with the aid of men behind her. There was no comparison in those two appeals. It was not long before this womans’ long established next door rival had to quit.

    • A dealer may say, “Our prices have been reduced” without creating any marked impression. But when he says “Our prices have been reduced 25 percent” he gets the full value of his announcement. (Be specific)
    • Pictures should not be used merely because they are interesting. Or to attract attention. Or to decorate an ad. We have covered these points elsewhere. Ads are not written to interest, please or amuse. You are not writing to please the hoi-polloi. You are writing on a serious subject – the subject of money spending. And you address a restricted minority.
    • Show a bright side, the happy and attractive side, not the dark and uninviting side of things. Show beauty, not homeliness; health, not sickness. Don’t show the wrinkles you propose to remove, but the face as it will appear. Your customers know all about wrinkles.

    The book is so insightful, much better than all the voluminous modern books on copywriting which contain a lot of fluff.

    The ad of Mead Cycle company was a great example.

    I might buy a hard copy just to re-read it until every idea is condensed into my mind.

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    #3565
    Kumar Suraj
    • Topics - 1
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    • Newbie

    What’s next for me?

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    #3566
    SARubin
    • Topics - 71
    • Replies - 95
    • Wordsmith
    • ★★★

    Excellent Kumar Suraj!

    Yes, it’s a classic book from (possibly) the greatest advertiser in the last 100 years. And it gives a solid foundation for anyone who really wants to sell with the written word. I’m glad you found it insightful.

    I have a few other great books for you to read, but we’ll get to that later.

    Right now, the next thing we should probably work on is “headlines”.

    That last piece of copy you wrote started out with this…

    Are your (lack of) emails pushing away your clients?

     

    Question type headlines can be effective, but as a reader, I’m not sure what this one even means?

    It’s not really calling me out by name, as a potential market. It’s not very specific or urgent. And it doesn’t offer to take away any pain, or promise any benefit.

    It kind of touches on a vague pain point, but there’s no real emotional impact to it.

    So here’s what I’d like you to do next…

     

    Write out 20 new headlines for that same piece of copy you wrote.

    You can use other winning headlines for inspiration, but try to make yours unique. Because in a crowded marketplace, we need to attract attention. And a headline that looks the same as everyone else’s is going to become less and less effective as time marches on.

     

    Remember, these are people (business owners) who already use email, and they already know the value of good conversion rates.

    They might know their conversions could be better, but they might not know how to go about making them better. That’s where you come in.

    Try to remember the 4 basic U’s of a great headline…

    • Useful
    • Unique
    • Ultra Specific
    • Urgent

    If you can get all 4 into one headline, that’s great. But at least try to get 2 or 3 of them in there.

     

    We’ll talk soon…

    All the best,

    Steve

    A good marketer knows how to think like a marketer - A great marketer learns how to think like the customer...
    SARubin - Direct Response Copywriter / Conversion Rate Optimizer

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